The story of me And my friends And other people
by Retired writer-Hazard 13
Summary: A story of me and my friends. Complete. Will be continued in Fire Emblem Section... Special thanks to Night Joe, Piemasher 86, and Hoboslayer95, Vinny, and even Sred02 who helped me finish this.
1. school yard

The story of me. And my friends. And other people.

By Hazard 13

Note- I may take a while to update.

2nd note- I'm new here.

3rd note- flame me and die

4th note- there IS swearing

Disclaimer- I do not own Final Fantasy or any other things involved, but I wish I did… someday… I do own the cartridge though. I do own, however most of the characters except well, duh. (Marche, Ritz, Mewt, etc.)

I hope I got this right…another thing- a full line is for separating my author's notes and the story, and 's are used to separate different scenes

School Yard, 2:31 pm

"What the—"This was my friend Alex. He had just got hit with a snowball.

"Who the hell did that?" He paused. "I'll kill you for that."

"Ha-ha!" yelled a kid named Colin. "I did it! I did it!"

With that, Alex went over and was about to punch him in the face, when Tim, my other friend, and me threw snowballs at the stupid kid, to avoid Alex getting a suspension… again.

"Hey! No fair!" He yelled. "Three against one? Lyle, Guinness, a little help here!"

Suddenly a whistle blew and a weird dude in sweats came over, saying that we should divide into groups. I went with Alex and Tim over to one side of the yard, where we found three other kids. There was a girl, and two boys. The girl had pink hair, somehow, and the boys were kind of strange. One looked really small, with messed hair, and the blonde boy had one hair sticking straight up. Apparently, he was also a new kid here. What the hell is with this town, though?

Anyway, the three idiots and three kids we didn't know were over on the opposing team.

"Who's he?" I asked to no one in particular.

"He's our P.E. teacher." Said a voice behind me.

"And who the hell are you?" I asked, turning around. It was the pink haired girl.

"I'm Ritz. Who are you?"

"I am Wesley, and your hair is dyed isn't it?"

"Hey! How did you know?" she was very surprised.

"Duh-just look at you. You have streaks of white all over your hair, you know."

I left her to think about what I had said and went over to the two weird kids.

"So, who are you?" I asked. The blond kid decided to talk first.

"I'm Marche, and this is Mewt." He paused, and asked who I was.

"My name is Wesley, and why is your hair all messed?" He looked very pissed at me for saying that about his hair but I went on, "And you, who are you, and do you talk?"

"Hey, leave Mewt alone!" said Marche. I rolled my eyes at him.

"What is it with you people? Who are you?"

"Um um um… I… I'm Mewt." He finally said. For some reason he nodded after saying everything. This town is very strange.

Anyway, Tim and Alex were over by the side of the building. Tim was playing shining something (I didn't remember the name) and Alex was playing FFTA. Suddenly, Tim was hit with a snowball, and started swearing: "What the hell was that? You little bastard, I am going to personally destroy you! Prepare to die, bitch!!" He got angry very easily. I should know. As he started walking forward to the idiot who had thrown the snowball, the weird P.E. teacher yelled, "Start!" We decided to go kill Colin, and as we all threw our snowballs, he said something about attacking Mewt. I didn't really care, but I threw about eight snowballs at his face, and he shut up. I looked behind me and saw the Mewt kid crouching behind me. What a weakling.

Finally, just as our team was about to win, the idiots decided to pull a fast one. They threw a snowball with a rock in it, causing Mewt to fall over in pain.

"Mewt, your forehead is cut!" this was Marche, stating the obvious.

'Duh' I thought.

We were all dismissed to go home, so Tim, Alex, and I went on home to play Halo 2, which Alex had somehow got off the Internet. On the way, we overheard Marche, Ritz, and Mewt talking on the corner.

"Look at that guy cringing like that! Embarrassing…" Ritz was looking at a drunk guy on the corner. Suddenly the drunk came over and said, "Mewt? Mewt, it is you!" what kind of person names their child Mewt?!? Unless they knew how hard a life the person would have to lead.

"…Hi, Dad." said Mewt. They were related? No wonder he has such a bad name. He was named by a drunken person! "School's out already?" The drunk was talking again.

"Yeah…"

"These your friends?" asked the drunk. Mewt nodded and asked, "Um, don't you still have work to do, Dad?" The drunk replied some lame excuse that he did, and that he was very busy. I think that he just wanted to go to another bar. He turned to face Ritz and Marche, who both stepped back a little. Drunks can be very unpredictable. He asked them to take care of Mewt, and went off, down the street. Mewt decided to explain about how his father used to work at a bigger company, but when his mother died, he broke down and stopped caring.

Marche, the clueless one, said something like "He seems nice. Not many parents talk to their kids like that. I bet you used to go out on vacations and stuff a lot." He was drunk you idiot!

Marche told Ritz and Mewt that he would be waiting for them at his house, and left. Ritz and Mewt started talking and it turns out that Marche has no father!

We got back to Alex's apartment, conveniently located between Tim's and my apartments. We had moved in a couple of weeks ago from San Francisco, Daly City, and Oakland, and our parents were out at dinner. Alex and I played co-operative on Halo 2 while Tim lounged on Alex's bed playing FFTA. After Alex threw plasma grenades on me, I ran into a couple of elites, who I kamikazed. (This happened in the game) After deciding to get something to drink, I looked out the window (2nd story) and guess who I saw?

"Yo, Alex, Timbo, look out the window! Guess who our neighbor is." I yelled to wake up Tim and get Alex out of his post electronic trance.

Alex immediately yelled, "Tim, get my bridge." Alex had somehow made a bridge out of two or three ladders and lots of rope. It would hold a sumo wrestler if needs be. Anyways, Tim returned with the contraption, and set it on Alex's bed. "Dude this weighs a goddamn ton." He complained. I got out my airsoft gun and shot a couple of paintballs over at Marche's window. They splattered, and he opened the window. Alex immediately shoved his bridge at him, and forced him to grab it. He protested weakly "Hey…" and we each crawled the four feet over to his window. I flung it open, and was surprised. I saw Ritz, Mewt, Marche, and a kid in a wheelchair. I said hi to everyone and so did Alex and Tim.

"Dude, that was so fun!" I told everyone. "So, what's your name gimpy?" What an idiot. Tim just HAD to insult the little kid. Now everyone will hate us, unless I distract them.

"So what were you people doing?" I asked everyone.

"We were looking at this book…" Hey, Mewt actually talks!

"So, like, you don't play Halo?" asked Alex. "What's Halo?" asked the four clueless ones.

'OMFG' I thought to myself. "You don't get out much, do you?" With that, Alex went back over his bridge, and came back with two Xbox's and seven controllers and a huge mass of wires. The kids had evidently never seen an Xbox, so it was really funny, their expressions. Also, they got addicted to it really fast. It was really funny to watch them try to figure out which button did what.

We took back the Xbox's and we had all become friends, especially Doned, Marche's brother and Alex, who each played through like thirty games a week. Ritz and Tim were now enemies, because when she insisted that we put everything away in an orderly fashion, (we had trashed Marche's room) Tim shoved everything into a closet and the soda cans out the window. "What did I do NOW?" as she glared at him. I hated Marche. I hated his hair. I hated him in general. I felt the same with Mewt. No one should have messier hair than me. NO ONE. I guess Ritz was okay, but Alex hated her, and Doned taught me how to pickpocket people from a wheelchair.

Alex, Tim, and me went back across our ladder-bridge-thing, and put the Xbox back together. We went to sleep playing Xbox live, with our laptops still open.

Well, everyone, I hope I did well enough. This is my first story, and it seemed a good idea. Unlike other people, I don't have a muse, but I will soon enough (hopefully).

I do go to school, but right now I'm on break. I should be able to update as soon as I write up the rest of my story from the papers that I wrote it down on originally.

Please review.


	2. lost in a game

Chapter 2: Lost in a game 

Yay! Chapter 2! I wrote it up!

I'm still thinking of a muse, so don't expect one, at least not yet…

Note-Look, I only got like one review last time, and if you people hate my story, just tell me. Flame me-I don't really care anymore. Besides, if my writing sucks, I should know about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFTA okay?!? I want it, but I will eventually own it. I don't own any of the other games or movies or anything else involved. (duh)

* * *

Strange World

I suppose we were asleep when it happened. One moment we were at Alex's room, sitting in front of his big screen TV, watching Starship Troopers, and then I fell asleep, and woke up on the ground.

"Damn, ow…" My head really hurt for some reason. I moved my gauntleted left hand to the back of my head and felt a small lump. I looked at my armored hands and they felt really heavy. I also noticed that I had this armor that was kind of shiny, like a mirror, though it was still very solid. My boots were reddish, and I had this strange helmet that also looked like shiny, but was different, and made of diamonds! This has to be very strong and reliable. I also noticed two pistols on my belt, and a huge sword that was all shiny. It looked like Excalibur from all those weird movies. My pistols had the name "Outsider" inscribed upon their barrels, so I guess that's what they're called. I was happy to have two pistols on my belt for two reasons: 1, I have two weapons I can use very well, but more importantly, because it meant I actually HAD a belt. (This is very important to me, because I need it to keep my pants on)

I looked about at my surroundings and I found myself to be in a strange town up in the trees, somehow, and I tried to find some of its inhabitants. The first one I saw what looked like a rabbit! I thought about a game I had been playing about a week ago. I remembered: these "rabbit people" were called viera, and they inhabit the whole world of whatever it was called. (Which I had forgotten) I decided to head for a restaurant or something, hoping that this world had someplace where you could get food.

Unknown pub in Spina Lodge-roughly 3 hours after appearance-

Finally found a place called Spina Lodge, where there was a pub. Of course, it had taken three or four hours… Surprisingly enough, I found that if you give the bartender money, he will give you beer no matter what your size was. (or it could be I'm just taller than most other kids) I found these golden coins which were called something like gil in my pocket, and I gave the dude a ten gil piece. I drank the amber colored drink, and I started getting drunk. Finally, after many drinks, I started to think about everything that had happened to me. I thought about my friends, where they might be, and I thought about FFTA. I remembered there was some big time dude that made antilaws, and he should be in a city called… In my drunken state, I couldn't remember clearly where I should go, so I just asked for a room for the night. I somehow stumbled up some stairs, tripping twice, and falling on the floor just as I got to the top. I wandered around looking for the room, and I collapsed on the bed inside.

I woke up feeling different: my head hurt like hell. I guess this was a hangover. I decided that drinking was still okay, though. I headed out the door with no clear idea where I would go. I decided that I would travel around, looking for my friends. I knew that I would eventually find them, so it was worth a try. As I grabbed a map off the bar, I dropped some gil, and went off to find my friends. I didn't actually think I could survive any clan conflicts, but I had to try. I set off with my hands set firmly on my pistols.

Strange Road second day after appearance

The road was very dusty, and I wished that I had brought a water bottle. That would be great. Unfortunately, some 3 huge snakes appeared in my path, and I was forced to stop.

"hey you fellows wouldn't happen to have a beer or five would you?" Unfortunately, they didn't like my humor, and decided to attack me. From god-knows-where a huge armored dude appeared, running after his weird chicken/horse/hamster/something, yelling that we couldn't summon, or something. I was fairly amused watching the stupid guy in armor chase after the chicken(?), and so were the animals.

I took action, just as the creatures were staring at the stupid armored dude, and snuck up behind one. I swung my sword, Excalibur, at one of the weird snakes, and it fell over and somehow turned into a little snake, which I chopped in half and threw into a nearby puddle. The rest of the huge snake things turned around, and one of them cast this spell that sounded like "Night", and it missed me, and put its friend to sleep. How can these things be so stupid? I hit it with my sword and it, like the other one, fell over and turned into an unconscious snake. I grabbed it and threw it at the armored dude's chicken. The chicken stopped to eat it, and the armored guy finally caught up. He swung himself on, and suddenly, the chicken started going a lot slower…

I finished of the last snake thing, and the armored chicken rider decided to yell out battle won! From out of nowhere. Then, for some reason, the guy yelled "Battle won!". What the hell? This place is strange. Anyway, the dude gave me a sack of gil( I think that's what it's called) and another sword that had the name "Ragnarok" engraved on the handle. I didn't get how I was supposed to carry so much crap around, especially without a bag. The sword did sound cool, though. I asked the judge if he would teleport me or whatever to the nearest town, because I had no bag.

"Well, I don't know…"

"Hey!" I said "I stopped your chicken creature so that it would stop, so can you repay me by transporting me?"

After like an hour of haggling he said no, but he teleported off leaving me in the dust. 'Crap' I thought. 'Now what?'

Again on the strange road on the same second day after appearance

Now, I was helluv tired. I thought that there might be a good way to carry two swords and a bag of money, but I was mistaken. I was tired because the gold or gil, as they called it, was not worth very much, so the inhabitants of whatever this place was called HAD to bring tons of it wherever they went. This proved to be very annoying indeed. Finally, I reached a curve in the path, that went through a forest.

"You! Give me that huge bag of gil, and hand over your weapons!" This was not good. Some huge gang of mostly monsters decided that they would rob me. I figured that I wouldn't go down without a fight, and just as I pulled out my two pistols, I heard this weird whooshy noise and this dude with a huge black hat and a curvy staff somehow warped in right behind me. I raised my pistols, but just before I could fire, he said this strange spell and I ducked down to dodge it….

* * *

Wahahahahaha! Cliffhanger! But there IS a clue you know! Just read between the lines and you can probably understand… Answer this: Who is the character that you gain who comes with a black hat? Alright… till next time… Hope y'all liked it. 


	3. on a road

The story of me. And my friends. And other people.

Hazard 13 here again… Everyone, sorry for such a late review. TOO MUCH HOMEWORK! Anyway, I got myself a muse… kind of strange, but they are…

Hoboslayer: Why the f am I in this?

Nite Joe: Shut up Tim.

Hoboslayer: Well, screw you!

Hazard 13: Tim, stop swearing. This is a Pg-13 fic!

Hoboslayer: F- ARGHHH!

Nite Joe: Heh-heh…

Hazard 13: nice.

Hoboslayer: You hit me with a F iron bar!

Nite Joe: True

Hazard 13: Aye Caramba! That's gotta hurt.

Hoboslayer: Ya think?

Nite Joe: that was fun.

Hazard 13: Anyway, this is how I'll be gonna be conducting my commentary before and after my chapters. Anyway, I may add another muse or something later, but anyway… Alex, please thank our people who reviewed, about now… NOW!

Nite Joe: Yeah, whatever. Hoboslayer reviewed, and Lady Tetsu-Maru, and Vinjn (who is now a member, and especially Mako-Streak.

Hazard 13: Alright, Tim from the story is the above Hoboslayer, you know, the muse man, and Alex is Nite Joe. I may refer to them as either name. I talked with them and it seems that they would like to be referred

Hoboslayer: Damn straight.

Nite Joe: Don't make me hit you again.

Hoboslayer: Shutting up.

Hazard 13: anyway, Vinjn is also a friend of mine from school, like Hoboslayer and Nite Joe. Also, someone named Sred7 or something will be coming in later, he is a friend of mine from school. Alright, thank you guys, and thank you Mako-Streak for reviewing twice. Okay, Lady Tetsu-Maru, answering of the questions—

1. I am a boy

2. Tim is a boy, and Alex is a boy, and well, sorry, those are my friends, it's not like I don't like girls, I just, well, have these guys as friends.

3. Nite Joe and Hoboslayer are my muses, no offense to you, I just want to make sure that I know how to portray my muses, sorry…

Hoboslayer: Weso, you twi—AAAAAA!

Nite Joe: Heeheehee…

Hazard 13: Thanks man, mind if I help sometimes?

Nite Joe: Plenty to go around.

Hazard 13: Umm… I guess I overdid the muse thingy, but disclaimer, fat boy?

Hoboslayer: whatever, I hate you. Hazard 13 does not own anything in this fic, except for the names of people, and also himself… He does not own anything, basically.

(Disclaimer: If I really owned anything mentioned, would I bother writing a this?)

Hazard 13: Shut up, fat boy. Anyway, the fact that my friends and I know all about FFTA is kind of a plothole… sorry… especially since we started at his town and everything…

Chapter 3: On a path

I hit the ground and pointed my pistols at the newcomer, who had almost hit me with his spell. He had a strange black pointed hat, a warped staff thing, and whoa… big ears! I thought about it, and hey! I remember! Some guy, Ezel or something. He makes antilaws in that old Final Fantasy game. I am surprised at how short he is. He is pretty cool, and also, has like two spells. I think that he has some sort of sleeping spell, though..

"So, are you going to shoot me, or…" Oops, I evidently still had my guns on him. I withdrew them, and asked him, " What brings you to the, well, um… road?"

"Saving you." He replied.

'Ya think?' "Oh, yeah," I replied, looking at all of my sleeping enemies. "Thanks."

"Anyway, I have to go now, so maybe you should leave before the people over there wake up."

"Can you give me a ride into your town then?" I asked.

"No, that is impossible to do."

"Yeah you can!" I countered. "Whats-his-name Babus dude can do it, and I think you can do it if he can."

"I like to keep it a secret, so that my enemies don't know that I can do it, but you, however, seem to have a lot of junk with you, and are currently twenty something miles from the nearest town with a bag of money and two swords and two pistols. I suppose I might make a exception once or twice."

"Thanks".

"First, though, how did you know about Babus being able to do that?"

"Well, it's a really long story, and you may not even be able to believe me if I tell you, but I'll tell ya if you warp me out of here."

"Okay then."

Somehow, he said this weird spell and we ended up in this big town with lots of buildings and people, many of whom were staring at me. Suddenly, Ezel appeared behind me and used the weird spell, which sounded like "Azoth". Then, all the people fell asleep, one by one. Ezel led me to a small tent, where he opened it and told me to wait for a second. I wondered 'now what?' and he appeared in the doorway with a small package. He took off the wrapping and showed me something the size of a playing card. "This, my new friend, is an—" "Antilaw." a voice interrupted behind me. I turned and saw Nite Joe (Author's note: Alex is Night Joe or Nite Joe for short and Tim is Hoboslayer or Hoboman, I forgot which. Those are their nicknames.), with a Morning star in his hand and a Sun blade on his back.

"How did you…?" asked Ezel. "Hey, Ezel, calm down. Nite Joe here is my friend and we both know your name because…" I explained about how we had played FFTA, and how we knew about stuff.

Ezel said that he understood, because he had met this kid, Marcher, who seemed intent on meeting the maker of the antilaws, but had not realized that it was Ezel himself who had told him that.

"You know, from what you said, you guys seem to have appeared roughly two months after Marche did." He said. "How did you manage that?"

"I don't know" I replied. "Can you tell me about what Marche did? We weren't exactly friends when we met, so we don't know what he would do."

"Oh, I remember him. The idiot with the hair. He has the cripple brother." Interjected Nite Joe.

He had somehow got really famous because his clan, clan Nutsy (?)had taken the missions at the pubs. All the people were proud because his clan had wiped out clan Borzoi, which anyone should be able to do if they really try.

"Nite Joe!" I yelled. He was over at the other side of the really big tent that Ezel owned/lived in. He walked over to me and asked, "What the hell do you want?"

"Let's start a clan."

Hazard 13: Sorry for the wait: my computer crashed, and everything went and died. Anyway, I am—

Hoboslayer: Your computer crashed again? You ba- Glurk!

Nite Joe: Good one Weso.

Hoboslayer: thanks a lot. That hurt.

Hazard 13: You know, that really was fun. Alright everyone, review or I'll hit you with a barbeque grill (somehow) and drench you with fish sauce. Finally, I know that I don't update that often, so sorry. See ya later. The next chapter should be coming up, now that finals are over and I have more free time.

Hoboslayer: When do I get in the story you pr- godda-AAAAA!

Nite Joe/Hazard 13: That was fun.


	4. finding our friend

Ch. 4 FFTA fic

Hazard 13: Hahahahaha! Chapter 4! Victory is mine…somehow.

Nite Joe: Shut up Weso.

Hoboslayer: Will I actually appear in this fic?

Hazard 13: Maybe. Don't tell the people reading this yet.

Nite Joe: Anyway, he started another story, and he has decided that now, since he got his dad's old laptop, that he can type more chapters. I have to test my new invention.

Hazard 13: What might that be?

Nite Joe: It's an electric generator hooked up with…stuff…and other junk I found in my room. Timbo, stand over there.

Hoboslayer: OK. Wait a second…why do I have to Uuurgh! My head…and body… Alex, I am going to kill you… when I regain control of my limbs.

Hazard 13: did you make a knife launcher?

Nite Joe: Yes, why?

Hazard 13: Never mind. Since Hoboslayer, Nite Joe, and I are all muses, in this, we cannot die. Heh heh…that means we can kill Hoboslayer as much as we want. Fun.

Nite Joe: Yeah, it really is fun.

Hoboslayer (pinned to wall by knife launcher): No, it really isn't.

Hazard 13: Anyway, here goes Chapter 4. I hope it makes sense. If it doesn't then I will change it if necessary. However, I may not. (no offense to ideas, though)

Hoboslayer: Dis…clai…mer: Haz…ard 13 doe…s not own any…thing in thi…s fic, no matt…er how much he may wa…nt to…

Hazard 13: I do own many characters, though, like me and other character's names. And stuff.

* * *

As it turns out, Ezel had decided to let us (me-Wesley and Nite Joe) stay with him in his huge tent. The day before this, I had decided to start a clan, but as Ezel told me, we had best wait until the next day, for it had already been nighttime. Anyway, I woke up on the floor, with one of Ezel's cloaks as a pillow, and my armor and weapons (except for one of my pistols, which was underneath my "pillow".

"God, my back hurts." I groaned.

"Shut up. My back hurts too, but whatever." Apparently Nite Joe had woken up a minute ago. "so what should we do?" he asked. "You were gonna start a clan, weren't you? Let's get started after a little while."

"Good idea. I think we should first go and find fat boy, though."

"Yeah. I think he would be in some town attacking stuff for fun. I did that for a while, before I found you. It's really fun. Not actually killing people, but blowing stuff up with Flare and turning people into frogs. It's really fun you know."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Anyway, we should find old Hoboslayer so we can start a clan. Let's go check the town here." I said.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" asked a voice from the doorway. Ezel was standing in the doorway.

"Well, what's wrong with going into town?" I asked.

"There seems to be a crazy boy that knows bangaa moves, who is apparently wrecking Cadoan building by building. No-one can even touch him, cause he can cause really huge damage to people. He has something like two hundred judge points by now?"

I thought to myself: 'Tim, you idiot.'

"God, go away!" yelled the crazy man in black armor. It appeared that he was swinging a huge broadsword, with the name Eclipse written on the side of it. He was talking to the various people that frequented the street. I could see that they all belonged to some sort of clan. I recognized him as Hoboslayer, my friend. I said to Nite Joe and Ezel, "Let's go see what's going on."

Meanwhile, my crazy friend had decided to attack the clan. Currently, the clan had engaged Hoboslayer, and he was taking them down. A judge had appeared, and he announced, "Brass Dragoons versus… um versus-"

"Hoboslayer!" yelled the crazy boy.

"Alright then, ENGAGE!" and he whistled. With that, a paladin and two dragoons came towards Hoboslayer, expecting a swift victory, but they were wrong. As Ezel, Nite Joe, and I watched, Hoboslayer knocked over the paladin and the dragoons with a Bangaa Cry. As they covered their ears, he used a Mow Down, knocking them out of the battle. The remaining two defenders took a quick charge towards him, expecting no attack because of the effects of Mow Down. They were wrong. Hoboslayer utilized his second to favorite attack, Strikeback, blocking their attacks, and demolishing both of them. He should not have been able to do this, I knew.

As he dusted himself off, Nite Joe, Ezel, and I all came down from the rooftop we had watched Hoboslayer from, and we watched as he went into an old deserted building. I wondered what he was doing. We followed the road down about ten feet. Suddenly, a enormous yell, Bangaa Cry, came through the window of the building, breaking it and shaking our feet. Hoboslayer came hurtling at me, yelling, "Ultima Sword!"

I had almost no time to react. Since I was currently equipping one of my Outsider pistols and Concentrate as my ability, I quickly yelled "Stopshot!" as I backed away. This froze him in time, allowing all of us to regain our composure. As I waited for him to come round, I asked Nite Joe a question "What exactly did I do?"

"How should I know?" he replied. "You reacted really quick though. It was kinda cool."

I thought about what I had done, and finally, Hoboslayer caught up to his normal speed, as he ripped a huge gash into the ground. He looked all around himself and finally caught sight of us, staring at him. He yelled "Fire Swor- Wait a second. I know you people."

* * *

Hazard 13: Anyway, that concludes my fourth chapter. Hope yall liked it. I hope that I can get at least one chapter a week, but it all depends on how much time I have. I decided to have Ezel as my starting friend or whatever. I know many of you (Mako-Streak) thought that it was Montblanc, but it wasn't. I wanted my story to be more original, so yeah.

Nite Joe: Not THAT original.

Hazard 13: Whatever… what happened to Hoboslayer?

Nite Joe: I tied him up in the basement.

Hoboslayer: I got out.

Hazard 13: Good. Anyway, readers, review or ill destroy you all, and just so that you guys know, I am trying to get a chapter a week done, but I haven't been able to. Deal.

I am also starting an Advance Wars fic, so whatever.

Hoboslayer: And it's EVIL! Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Nite Joe: Shut up, fat boy.

Hazard 13: Oh yeah, new muse coming in possibly next chapter. Someone review, at least two people please. Or I may not review.

Hoboslayer: What he means is REVIEW D- AAAARGH!

Nite Joe: Oops.


	5. weapons and homeless guys

Hazard 13: Hello and welcome people. Any questions or whatever will be answered later in the chapter, as in, the end of it. What the hell was the anonymous review that swore at me? That was plain disturbing.

Hoboslayer: Seriously, it is.

Nite Joe: Well, at least "Hoboslayer" appeared in this at last.

Hazard 13: Yeah. Took you a while.

Hoboslayer: YOU'RE the fauthor!

Hazard 13: I am. That means I can also do this!

Hoboslayer: Owwwww……you SHOT me?

Nite Joe: He is the author, so he can do anything.

Hazard 13: This is my fic, so you won't die though.

Hoboslayer: Owowowowowowowowowow…

Hazard 13: You will feel intense pain though.

Nite Joe: Heh heh.

Hoboslayer: That's better. (dusts himself off)

Hazard 13: I did give you the power to heal yourself you know.

Hoboslayer: why didn't you tell me?

Nite Joe: Took you a while to figure out, genius.

Hoboslayer: You're the inventor, not me.

Hazard 13: Anyway, disclaimer, "Hoboslayer"

Hoboslayer: yea. Disclaimer- Hair boy here doesn't own stuff, or he would be rich. He isn't rich, so he doesn't own this game. If he did, then he would be like, famous, so foff, you stupid lawyers.

Hazard 13: Yup, he's correct, but he should probably stop with the swearing. Unfortunately, if I put this into the R section, then no-one would read it, and there would be no reviews, and I would be very sad… so here's my chapter five.

"So what took you guys so long?" asked Hoboslayer, right after he had stopped his Fire Sword.

"Well, me and Nite Joe here started in different towns. I started in Muscadet, and you started here. Ezel here helped me, and

Nite Joe tracked us down." I stated.

"He makes antilaws right? This place is like FFTA." He said

"How is it that all of you come from a different world, but you know exactly what I was planning to do?" Ezel was kind of confused. I could definitely understand that.

"Well, there is this game in our world called FFTA and you're in it." Nite Joe had decided that Ezel should probably know about this.

"So what're we gonna do now?" we hadn't told Hoboslayer about my clan idea.

"I was thinking about a clan. So what kind of weapons can you use Hoboslayer?"

"Spears, Broadswords, stuff." He pulled out his Eclipse and an Ice Lance.

"Before we become a clan, then we should first check what type of weapons you can each use. Let's first go to the local store. I think it's run by a friend of mine, so we can get a discount."

So we all decided to go over to this store and we tried different weapons.

"Nite Joe, try this staff. It's pretty rare, but you may be able to use it, who knows?"

Nite Joe caught the staff and did as Ezel said. As he concentrated his energy into it, a huge meteor started hurtling down, and Ezel said that this was what was supposed to happen. Unfortunately the huge meteor came down and crushed a homeless man that was sleeping on the side of the street.

"Oops. Heh-heh." Nite Joe thought that this was kind of funny, but there were lots of other homeless men out in the street, so he was a little worried. Anyway, it turns out that I could use pistols and any human jobs, Hoboslayer could do any bangaa jobs, but he could also use knives as a thief. Finally, Nite Joe was an alchemist, and could do any human jobs. I thought it was pretty obvious that I could handle a gunner job, cuz in real life, I do trap and target shooting. My friend, Nite Joe always made things in real life, so I guess it is fitting that he should be an alchemist. Hoboslayer, who had bangaa jobs, whenever we would play around and fight with huge weapons, so I can see the connections with him handling broad swords and things. I understand he always was trying to learn to pickpocket people, so the thief job is understandable.

Ezel got his friend to lend us some weapons, at least until we got better ones. He even got him to let us borrow the more rare ones, like the Scorpion Tail Nite Joe used. As we went outside, we were about to head over to the pub, but we were confronted by roughly thirty homeless people. I believe it was good that Ezel got his friend to lend us some better weapons than we had before. As we were about to head back into the store, a Judge morphed into being with a chicken underneath him. He yelled "Engage!"

"Homeless army versus… um what's your clan called?" he asked in confusion.  
I yelled back to him "Clan of Death!" Everyone started looking at me. "What? That's what my clan was called back in the other world."

The homeless men looked at us and they all drew knives. Some had axes, some had knives, and about two of them had barrels. Usually, we could destroy them as quick as we wanted, but there were fifty of them. I looked at them, and they looked at me. Suddenly, one of them threw a barrel at me and I hit it with a stopshot. The barrel stopped in midair. Ezel asked me "should I just end this?"

"If ya want to." I replied. "It wouldn't be as fun though."

I looked over at Hoboslayer and Nite Joe, and Nite Joe had sent a meteor right into the middle of the pack. Due to the closeness of the homeless people, about ten of them were knocked out. The judge gave him a point. Hoboslayer however, had used Tremor, sending four of them in different directions. All but one fainted. He grabbed the last one of them and shoved him off a cliff with a critical hit. The judge awarded him a point. Ezel had used Azoth and about half of the remainder of homeless men were asleep. Two of the ones that were awake charged directly at me and I stepped back and hit one of them with two shots. He crumpled, giving me a point. However, the other guy, armed with a barrel swung at me, hitting the judge.

The judge was not hurt in the least, but he teleported him twelve feet in the air and released him, to make him fall to the ground in a heap. Then, he stamped a red card to his face and sent him to jail. The other homeless guys (6 awake) yelled

"we forfeit!" and they started waking up their friends and ran away as quick as they could. We were awarded 1200 gil and some materite. This was strange, because materite is supposed to be expensive, and homeless people shouldn't have this stuff. We started heading back to the pub. As we approached, there came a clattering of broken cups and plates. we hurried over to see what was happening.

Hazard 13: Well, that should wrap this chapter up.

Hoboslayer: ya think?

Hazard 13: Nite Joe…

Hoboslayer: Ow.

Nite Joe: oops, that was his leg. I was aiming for his torso. D

Hazard 13: not you too… I might have to up the rating on this story…then no one would even review it.

Hoboslayer: who cares? I would review…

Nite Joe: Me too…

Hazard 13: Til next time…

Nite Joe: Ghost out…


	6. stuff happens

Hazard 13: Hello and welcome to the land of stupid people.

Hoboslayer: like you!

Nite Joe: just you Hoboslayer.

Hazard 13: Seriously, who names themselves Hoboslayer?

Nite Joe: I don't get it.

Hoboslayer: why not? I used to be Hoboman, Hoboslayer sounds better.

Hazard 13: Yeah I guess. Your file in my Animal Crossing game is still Hoboman you know. It's really weird, your house is filled with fruit.

Nite Joe: Well YOURS is full of gyroids!

Hazard 13: Maybe we shouldn't talk about this… I mean almost none of the readers probably even play Animal Crossing anyway.

Nite Joe: Heh-heh activate, target immobilized…

(Voice from nowhere): Nuclear launch detected…

Hoboslayer: huh? I don't get it .

Nite Joe: death will be lenient on me. You shall be hell's first visitor.

Hoboslayer: Ohhhh… Crap. At least you'll go with me.

Hazard 13: well, you guys won't die. You'll be gone for about until late next chapter, huh. Expert Guard! (Shield appears) Heh-heh. I'm the author. I can stop anything, even a nuclear strike. Shields, Overshields, shell, and let's see, protect. That should do it. See ya guys.

Nite Joe: Join me in hell.

Hoboslayer: Oh crap.

Hazard 13: Hee hee hee. This should be kinda cool.

(Incredibly big explosion)

Hazard 13: huh, I think they kind of went into the atmosphere… I am so bored.

Some guy: I'll relieve you of your money.

Hazard 13: Huh. They let ANYONE in here.

Some guy: Just kidding. I am going to kill you now. My name is Mr. ?.

Hazard 13: hmm…interesting.

Mr. : yeah I guess it is interesting. Anyway, prepare to die. (readies energy ball) DEATH!

Hazard 13: I'm the author, and I am not afraid of death. (hits him and does nothing) This proves it, huh?

Mr. : I guess so.

Hazard 13: Anyway, I need to do the disclaimer, so Disclaimer: I don't own FFTA, and if you think I do, then you are incredibly stupid.

Chapter 6: new clan member

"What was that?"

"I think it was someone in the pub. Let's go see."

Ezel, Hoboslayer, Nite Joe, and myself went into the pub and we saw a small person, a boy, on the counter. He looked familiar to me, and as I was about to ask him a question, but it seemed that he was talking to the bartender.

"Get me a whiskey, dit!"

"But you're not of legal age!"

"I'm old enough. Here's some money."

"That's not enough, you gave me half the gil than it costs…"

"Well, maybe if you gave it to me, then I would give you what you want." He held out his hand.

"But I can't give alcohol to children! It would be un…ethi…" he stopped as the boy took two katanas off of his back. The boy turned around and threw a small knife at Hoboslayer. It hit his shoulder, and bounced off his armor and hit the floor. I knew instantly who it was as he looked at us.

" So Stuey, how did you get here?"

"You…you're Wes."

"Na. Hazard 13 now…"

"That's your screen name, huh… Anyway, call me Sred02, alright?"

"Sure." He replied.

Hoboslayer and Nite Joe were both looking at him, because when we had moved to St. Ivalice, we had lost contact with him. He had been a great friend to all of us, but he was a bit closer to Nite Joe than Hoboslayer and me.

"Alex, where the hell did you go, you idiot! You agreed to give me your address!"

"I'm Nite Joe now. Sorry, but I had just got into town, and our cell phones didn't work, and they don't even have phones!"

"It's true. I came there and we had to get an internet connecter from Nite Joe, who paid the phone company of the next town to get a connection. St. Ivalice is really weird, I don't really understand it much." Said Hoboslayer.

"Tim. You too. There's this thing called email, you know."

"I'm Hoboslayer." Sred02 started laughing at his outrageous name.

"That's just sad, man. Whatever. So who're you?" he asked Ezel.

"My name is Ezel the genius. I make…" he paused. "antilaw cards." He continued after looking around. He had seen that the bar was empty, courtesy of Sred02's attacking of the bartender.

"Oh, yeah! You only have two moves, and a weird hat." He apparently remembered Nite Joe's game from a couple months ago.

"I thought that you did not know who I was?" Ezel was practically thinking out loud.

"Does it matter? I played this game, and you were in it. You are very weak, and I mean REALLY weak." He finished. Ezel looked at him for a second, and I could see that he was visibly angry. Suddenly, he took his staff out and looked at it. Sred02 took his two katanas off his back and pointed them at Ezel. Ezel told him:

"You are smaller than I am, even though you have two swords, I know more about what you can do than you yourself know." With that, he struck out with his staff and knocked the two katanas to the floor.

"Hey, how did you do that?"

"There are many things you have to learn." He replied cryptically. Then, he went over to the bar and grabbed a shot of whiskey. He downed it and said in a tired voice:

"God, I haven't done that in thirteen years. Thank god that human taught me some things."

At this point, everyone was looking at him, and I voiced one question I had been wondering for a while.

"Ezel, how old are you?"

He didn't answer right away, but when he did answer, I wasn't surprised at all.

"I will not tell anyone. Ever. I have seen many years during my life."

Again, with the cryptic answers. Why do I even ask him ask questions? It is interesting to talk with him though. There was a matter that I wanted to ask about Sred02, but before I could, Hoboslayer started turning red and twitching a little. I considered hitting him with stopshot, but I really had no idea what was going on with him. Finally Nite Joe asked: "Does Hoboslayer seem a little…" he trailed off. "Red?" I finished, at the same time as Sred02 said "Crazy?", and Ezel said: "about to explode?" Nite Joe, Sred02, and I all looked at him with questioning glances.

"Well, to the best of my knowledge, it seems that he can definitely use bangaa abilities, and unfortunately, this one looks like Meltdown…I think we should leave quickly." However, before any of us could move, the bartender, who had been hiding under the bar, got up and yelled: "NOOOO! NOT IN MY BAR! HE IS NOT GOING TO EXPLODE IN MY BAR! GET HIM OUT OR I WILL CALL THE JUDGES! NOW!" In my view, he looked angry. This was not a good sign. I told Ezel:

"Ezel, if you'll do the honors?"

"Heh. Sure." He calmly recited his favorite (and most useful) spell, and unfortunately, it missed. He swore.

"Now what should we do?" I asked no-one in particular.

"Stopshot, aim:legs, aim:arms, and a sleep or sheep count would work pretty well."

I heard a voice to my left, at the door, say. I looked up, and I saw it was a fencer.

Hazard 13: Well, that should end this strange chapter.

Mr. : you seem to be fond of what do you call them? Cliffhangers?

Hazard 13: yeah.

Mr. : why is that?

Hazard 13: I don't know. Because they are the easiest to do.

Mr. : I see.

Hazard 13: Anyway, I would like to say thank you to Mako-Streak, Piemasher 86(what kind of name is that?), Hoboslayer, Nite Joe, myself, and dude-the only one who does reviews. Especially the last guy I just mentioned. By the way, thank you for defending me against the stupid idiot "I hate u". God, I have seen flames before, but no-one stupider than that. I mean seriously, "Loserish?" (rolls eyes) whatever.

Mr. : It looks like your friends are coming back from their trip to the atmosphere.

Hoboslayer: Owww……God that hurt. Where's Nite Joe?

Nite Joe: You can't see me?

Hoboslayer: How did you cloak?

Nite Joe: ha ha ha ha ha. The devil himself taught me.

Hoboslayer: whatever. I think I'm gonna just…just…sleep…

Nite Joe: You are weak.

Hoboslayer: Shut your mom.

Hazard 13: What does that even mean?

Hoboslayer: I dunno, but I like to say it a lot.

Hazard 13: Thanks for reading. Review. Now. Ha ha ha ha ha.


	7. another persons arrives wow

Hazard 13: Welcome to my fic. It's dark and evil and umm…

Mr. : people are staring at your strange antics.

Hoboslayer: Who the hell are you?

Mr.: I am the one called Mr..

Nite Joe: Wow. That means almost nothing to me. So who are you really?

Mr.: I am Death.

Hazard 13: Really?

Nite Joe: cool.

Hoboslayer: do you really have a giant scythe?

Death: Yes. Feel the pain!

Hoboslayer: Holy Crap!

Nite Joe: you missed…

Death: No. It's that infernal author.

Hazard 13: Infernal eh? (makes strange gestures with hands)

Death: Levitation? That will have no effect. I cannot die.

Hazard 13: Cool. Come back down now. (Death starts falling down)

Death: I'm already here.

Hazard 13: did he just disappear? Freaky. I'll be guessing he's right behind me.

Death: how did you do that?

Hazard 13: well, I am the author you know.

Death: Hmmm…

Hoboslayer: Hey! I'm still here you know.

Nite Joe: me too.

Hazard 13: oops.

Death: proceed with the story. Being a muse bores me. I better be in the story soon.

Hazard 13: Nite Joe: disclaimer please.

Hoboslayer: why can't I do it?

Nite Joe: Disclaimer: Hazard 13 doesn't own FFTA or anything else, except the Death guy that popped up just now.

Hazard 13: Hoboslayer, people like variety.

Hoboslayer: Whatever. Shut up and do the story.

Hazard 13: if you say so.

* * *

For Hell's sake, how many of my friends were in Ivalice when Hoboslayer, Nite Joe, and I got thrown here?" I asked in irritation. The fencer was someone else that we knew. This was getting a little old. 

"Look Wes, I came to Ivalice with a bus. Stu and I decided to go and visit you guys. You guys, all of you, never answered emails and never called us. What the hell did you expect?"

"Eh, heh heh…" Nite Joe said awkwardly.

"WHAT ABOUT THE EXPLODING BOY HERE?" The bartender reminded us.

"Fran, you were saying?" I asked him.

"oh yeah. Sleep!" a blinding blue light appeared, and Hoboslayer fell asleep. I looked at the bartender, and he appeared happier all of a sudden.

"Hmm…I don't understand. How is it that so many of you come to be in my world like this? You said yourself that only this town you lived in had everyone transferred to this country. What is a bus?" Ezel was inquisitive about how we knew about both him, and especially Ivalice, for we were warped here, and we should technically be like Marche, not knowing at all what clans and engagements were. All of us (except for Hoboslayer, who was glowing faintly, sleeping on the bar) looked at each other and started laughing. We all laughed at the absurdity of the situation, and how someone could not know what a bus was. However, when we all stopped, Ezel asked:

"What's so funny?"

"Ummm…" I started.

"It's like…" Sred02 couldn't get over the fact that someone didn't know what a bus is.

"It's a transport…" Nite Joe continued.

" For people to like, go to towns and stuff for money" finished the fencer, Francis.

"So, Francis, do you have a nickname? Cuz basically, we all do." I said.

"Wasn't it Vingo or something?" asked Alex.

"No, it's Vinjn." He replied.

"What's a Vinjn?" asked Ezel.

"It's just a name, man" said Sred02.

"Alright then. Where do you think we should go?"

"What do ya mean?" I asked him. I didn't understand what he meant.

"Well, we are a clan now, so if we are to get gil for weapons, other than stealing, we should go out and fight other clans." He finished.

All of a sudden, three rocks smashed through the glass of the front of the shop. I looked on as almost forty homeless guys stood outside the front of the pub, and they looked very angry. The leader, a homeless man with a leather vest that said "BOSS" on it, walked up and jumped through the window. He said, "You humiliated our brothers. You will pay."

The bartender yelled back, "YOU will pay. YOU will pay for the glass that you broke. PAY UP OR I'LL CALL THE JUDGES!" The bartender looked ready to take his head off. The homeless leader turned around and started talking with one of his guys, who moved off. Then, a moment later, he came back with a small pouch of gil, and the boss threw it to the bartender, who said, "Good. Now you can fight outside." He turned and left out the back door.

"We shall destroy you!" They called in.

"Oh, yeah? We'll kick your asses!" Nite Joe called out. We got up from our chairs, and I got Vinjn and Nite Joe to help me carry Hoboslayer outside. Sred02 was not quite as strong as us, and Ezel looked tired. Anyway, the crowd stepped back to let us out, and the homeless leader yelled: "Engage!" and a judge warped in. He looked at the homeless people, and looked at us, and asked us: "Just how many times do you have to fight these homeless people?" Apparently, he was the same judge from the earlier battle with the other band of homeless people. "Alright" he continued. "Band of homeless people versus Clan…Whatever! Just fight and get it over with!"

This time, it seemed that the homeless people had lots more weapons, and all of them had shortswords and leather armor. I could also see that they had leather bracers and some had weird looking rings, which I had never seen before. I decided on using thief jobs. I already knew most of these, and I equipped a Oricalcum as my weapon. Next, I kept Concentrate and also Damage: MP, because I did not need to use MP in this battle. I used Gunmanship as my second skill set. When we were all ready to go, we got into fighting stances and the homeless band got into formations of four. (twelve in all) This did not look good, because that meant we would each have to dispatch two groups of four each, so we had our work cut out for us. Hoboslayer was still asleep, though. The first band of four homeless guys went for Hoboslayer, but as the lead man hit his armor, Hoboslayer was not even damaged, and the same happened, except finally, the last man cut his arm slightly, waking him up. This caused him to resume what had almost happened in the pub: he exploded. All five people, including Hoboslayer, were knocked out of the battle. That was one less group, but another group moved towards me and I sliced one in the neck, knocking him out (for some reason, no blood, so no death). The others were angry at this, and they all attacked. The second and third came to me and sliced at me, but nothing happened because of my reaction technique, Damage: MP. The last one missed, but I caught sight of a strange ring that he was wearing, so as he passed me, I grabbed it and stuck it in my pocket. He seemed enraged, and the other two guys joined him in a charge at me. Unfortunately for them, I used my knife and slashed at each one of them, but only one went down. One looked very weak now, and the other didn't look much better. This was good, but another group was coming towards me.

* * *

(Author's note: And here is an attempt by my friends...) 

(Hoboslayer's POV: Raging berserker )

What the fis going on? One second I'm drinking lots o' beer, and here I am on the floor! What the hell? Look, there's some guy. I know: I'll take out my rage on him! Ultima Sword! Oh crap. That was a judge. I like his coat, I think I'll take it. Look, homeless people. Berserk Mode! Hahahahhaahahahhahahahhahahhah! Die!

Hoboslayer ©

(Nite Joe's POV: Shadow of Death)

Nothing is meant to live except for death to claim it. Prepare to die, you pieces of shit. I know, I'm gonna sell people's stuff and buy weapon materials. Die you homeless man. Hmm…a ring. I think I'm gonna steal it. Cool. Meteor! That should stop a bunch of them.

Nite Joe ©

Unknown point of view:

It seems that the battle is finished…heh heh heh. Maybe I should…Wait. Another homeless guy is about to hit him… time for my intervention...

* * *

Hazard 13: Alright, that was weird, and it was also an experiment. These last bits were done with help from Nite Joe, Hoboslayer, Vinjn, and Sred02. And Piemasher 86, believe it or not. Sorry for not updating faster, but whatever. Please review this time, you make me sad. 

Death: Too many words spoken at too small a time.

Hoboslayer: Shut up "cryptic boy".

Nite Joe: Just cuz you didn't get into the story so far…

Death: I do not care about the "story" as you put it.

Hoboslayer: What are you anyway?

Hazard 13: I'm making him a minor deity.

Hoboslayer: Huh?

Nite Joe: He's a GOD.

Hoboslayer: Really?

Death: Yes. I live in the ether.

Nite Joe: Why are you HERE then?

Hazard 13: Oops. Plothole… Death's name in the past two chapters was supposed to be Mr. , but whatever.

Hoboslayer: This chapter is OVER.

Hazard 13: Damn straight. Review. Now.


	8. note to readers

Yo people. This is Hazard 13. you know, the writer of this story. Unfortunately, I have been not able to update for a while, and the reason for that is school and schoolwork. Now, I (surprisingly enough) love to write. I don't know why. I just do. But my mom said that I have to keep my grades up or I will be destroyed, so she took away my laptop when she saw my grade average…(mumble mumble). So I cant update for a month but I will still try to write in my spare time. Mostly, I wrote while I was in the car, so it will take a long time to update. Understand me. Now. Anyway, something I want you all to understand: I am changing around everything in my story…

Job list for Clan of Death (the name might change though)

Me (Hazard 13)- Am human, but am unable to do any jobs for human classes, but have just moogle jobs.

Explanation: I was supposed to be a human guy who used human jobs, but I could use a pistol, but I would be too good of a character then. So now I have moogle jobs. Yay.

Nite Joe: He had an alchemist job and human classes also, but is now just nu mou jobs with a thief class also.

Explanation: again with the too-good-to-be-true-ness

Hoboslayer: same as before. He can somehow steal though. (just not very well.)

Explanation-see above. He has a lower chance to steal though.

Vinjn- he has viera jobs (don't ask, it was his idea anyway.)

Sred02-human classes, but he's kinda short, so he can jump higher than most people.

Ezel-Duh.

Piemasher 86-on his request, may enter the story, next chapter? Who knows. I let ANYone in there.

Death-A mysterious figure who shall soon enter the story. Some history will be added in.

Notes: I may screw with the storyline and mess with Marche to keep us in Ivalice, with crystals intact… I really don't like Marche or Montblanc. I may also get the Doned kid to help us mess up clan Nutsy, so whatever. Ritz may or may not appear in the next chapter, but will be included. I may decide to attack everyone in towns, villages, etc. The clan that the story is based on may randomly attack villages and towns, and steal money from other clans, simply to get the judges and the palace angry (Ezel's idea.) Additionally, the anti-law shop will move around with us, and we help Ezel manufacture the cards and spread them around the country. We may or may not help the Borzoi people. (probably not though.)

Another matter: my friend submitted a story in the "R" section a while ago, but they rejected it…Anyone have any idea why? any questions or whatever, email me.

Over and out--

Hazard 13


	9. some crap happens

Hoboslayer: Oh look, fat boy's back.. Wow.

Hazard 13: New and not improved.

Death: Shut up and let me out of here.

Hazard 13: Where's Night?

Night Joe: (appears from a rip in time) Wow. Cave people ARE stupid.

Hazard 13: Ummm… yeah. Anyway, I need to actually finish this chapter, after like five months, so I'll do the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFTA, but I own the game cartridge and my GBA, so there.

* * *

Ch. 9 (post author's note) Fish in an Ocean

After Ezel's idea, we went over to the pub, and I saw that it was a pretty rough place (i.e. the sign was blackened, and there was a dead guy on the floor by the door. So, we went inside, and Ezel decided to go get a beer, and I went to get us a table. After nearly shooting some annoying people who got in my way, I finally found an empty table. I looked back to see the others at the bar, talking to the bartender. As Vinjn slapped some gil onto the counter, he turned and left to go outside. Did he owe him money or something? Nite Joe and Sred02 came over to the table I was holding (literally, with the people in the pub fighting to take it) and Nite Joe told me that he had Vinjn go get some Zodiac Ore for him, and that it would take a battle for him to come back.

"So, why a battle?" I asked. "Can't he just hurry up or something?"

"It's enchanted, man." Sred02 said in annoyance.

"I need the metal so that I can make weapons and crap." Nite Joe had always made wood, and even metal weapons in real life, so apparently he wanted to here.

"I already ordered a new version of my old Iron Bar." He finished. Somehow, the blacksmith I talked with made it out of both mysidia alloy, and materite, so it's hella strong."

We all had stopped at stores along the way to the pub, stores that Marche had evidently disregarded for the main places in town, that had general weapons, not specialized stuff that we wanted. We all had our own weapons ordered. Special weapons, with no actual A-abilities attached, but they were good. Besides, we already knew many moves, just from knowing the moves in the game, from memory.

I decided to go outside for a little while to see if I could get something from the next door armory, which advertised Masasume 100s. These would come in handy for Sred02, who was relatively weak compared to us. (we fought enemies, he ran away from them.)

As I walked over to the shop in question, I felt a small bump to my left, and a hand thrust into the pocket I kept the ring I stole from one of the homeless dudes. I knew instinctively it must be a thief. A clumsy thief. So, as I spun around, I pulled my Outsider out and was about to shoot the thief, when Ezel's voice rang out. "Azoth!", and everything went black.

* * *

(My dream)

Where am I…? Ether. That fool…him and his little moogle friend…If I return…he shall pay…

(back to normal world)

'Wow. Freaky dream…kinda short…My head hurts, maybe cuz I hit that wall, as I fell asleep. Wait, then why am I on the floor, surrounded by boxes? Whatever.' I thought.

As I tried to get to my feet, I stumbled, and my vision slightly flickered. I looked to my left, then my right, and I saw Ezel, Nite Joe, and Sred02. I walked towards them (or tried to), and they came over.

"Sorry I had to do that, but that kid…Nite Joe recognized him and, so did Hoboslayer." Ezel said.

"Where is Hoboslayer, anyway?" I asked.

"Down here dumbass." A voice, Hoboslayer's, yelled from on the ground, to my right. "Next time, could you tell me how strong the alcohol they serve is, so it doesn't hurt so much?" he said, and with a heave, he got up, by using the hilt of his Eclipse, and he angrily swung it at a building support. It splintered and a judge fell from the balcony on top of it, and was going to "red card" Hoboslayer, who yelled: "Oh shit", but Sred02 threw a small Ninja knife that stuck the card into the wall of a nearby building. The judge naturally was pissed, and he took out his sword, Lionheart, and shoved it towards Hoboslayer, who sighed, and said "You goddamn judges never learn." With that, he took his Eclipse off his back, and cut the judge in half, from head to…you know…As we all stared, impressed, Night Joe suddenly used a quick spell, "STOP!" on seemingly nothing.

"Umm…"

"Night Joe?"

"What the…"

"eh?"

As we all looked on, a shape appeared from the area affected by Night Joe's Stop spell, which we recognized as…

"That archer lady!" yelled Sred02.

"You."Night Joe said.

"Interesting." I said.

"Stupid. Idiot. Rabbit. Bitch." Breathed Hoboslayer

"?" Ezel did not apparently have any idea as to who this was.

Anyways, we (except Ezel) recognized the archer as the viera person, Shara, who always hung out with the Ritz person. However, they were not supposed to us, they were supposed to go battle Marche, and get their asses kicked. Strange. After a few moments, Shara was back in time, and fell down a few inches, dropping her Seventh Heaven bow, which in reality is incredibly weak, and she looked at all of us, with an unbelieving stare.

"How? What did you…?" She was incredulous.

"I can see cloaked or concealed units, it's something I can do…" Night Joe responded.

"You know Reveal? But only Coerls can…" She trailed off.

"SHARA!" A voice yelled. It was the crazed pink haired lady, otherwise known as Ritz. "You were supposed to check back in with me, once you had freed Doned!"

"I was going to, but h-he stopped me somehow." Shara's voice was shaky.

"But you were Concealed, weren't you?" Ritz asked.

"yes, I don't know how he did it."

Ritz jumped out from behind a building, and turned to us.

"Prepare for a battle, because we-"

Her voice was cut off by a large rumbling noise. A ripple appeared in the space in between us and "Clan Ritz", and disappeared.

"Oh, no."

"This can't be…"

"Hell, no…It's not possible…not here, anyways." I said. There were not supposed to be any ripples HERE.

The ripple appeared again, but as we all tensed, the ground started shaking, and a pool of pure blackness became visible, and a darker figure within it floated out, and the figure dropped to the ground, on (His? Hers? It's?) feet, where the ground started to smoke. He looked at me, and said "Where the hell am I?"

* * *

Hazard 13: Well, more for next time…Review dammit.

Death: I have finally arrived.

Hazard 13: Not necessarily… Anyways, Nite Joe and Hoboslayer are on vacation in Hawaii, so whatever…Once you've read this, and reviewed, go away…


	10. A battle with crazed rabbits

Hazard 13: Yo, wassup people.

Death: Is the strange figure from the sky me?

Hazard 13: Don' remember.

Death: This is your damn story, and you can't remember?  
Hazard 13: Durr.

Death: and where are your friends? Hoboperson and Night something?

Night Joe: I'm in Hawaii. Go away.

Hoboslayer: Screw you! Talk to me later.

Hazard 13: Huh?

Death: why are they not here?

Hazard 13: …

Death: Well?

Hazard 13: …

Death: WAKE UP!

Hazard 13: eh?

Death: What is that machine you are looking at?

Hazard 13: Shut up, I'm trying to watch FLCL. Oh, crap, story…Disclaimer time.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFTA or Agent Smith, or even Night Joe's closet. Durr, I don't own FLCL, the best anime show ever.

On another note, I am going to like, reccomend a random song, so it should be after the disclaimer...

Song: The Game, by Disturbed (Again, I do not own...)

* * *

Chapter 10: A Battle with the Crazed Rabbits. 

"Where the hell am I?" he asked me.

"Uhh… where did you come from?" I asked, uncertain.

His face remained blank, as passive as ever. After like an hour, the answer finally decided to speak: "The Ether"

At that I stopped for a second, and thought about the weird dream thingy that had been in my head after the Azoth-induced sleep, and I shuffled the thought in my head for a few seconds. Anyways, it seemed like a good idea to have him as an ally, so I was about to make a move when El pink-haired one decided to yell at us, saying "THIS STILL DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING! GIVE BACK MARCHE'S BROTHER!"

"It appears that we forgot about him." Ezel stated.

Night Joe said "Oh, I guess we forgot to care."

"GIMPY! YOU ALIVE?" Hoboslayer obviously didn't care one way or another."

"Ummm…Noone really cares anyways." Sred02 destroyed any calmness from within Clan Ritz, or at least Ritz herself.

I realized that we had all forgotten about the weird dark dude that had materialized, and he somehow failed to notice all of us. Instead, he appeared to be checking what gear he had on. He had a weird black bloodstained cloak, a big scythe, and was surrounded by a dark aura…strange.

He noticed that I was the only one not arguing with the rabbit people, so he came over and asked me "Where is Gaol?" Huh. Dead guy, wasn't he?

"I think he's dead…but I know who took his place as paladin." I said, referring to Marche

"If you will lead me to him, so I may kill him, I shall join your clan."

"Cool, what's your name?" I asked.

"Death." He replied, without emotion.

Everyone had stopped arguing, and they were watching us talk to each other.

"THE Death?" Night Joe asked quickly. "The one that lives in my closet?"

"Yes." He replied.

"THE ETHER IS IN YOUR CLOSET?" yelled the pink haired fiend.

"Hell yeah, have you seen it?" Yelled back Sred02.

"Hey, one time I got stuck in there for a week, cuz it sucked me in there!" yelled Hoboslayer, who knew about the closet too: before we had moved to Ivalice, Night Joe's closet WAS the ether. It was damned dangerous too: Agent Smith had come out and threatened us, calling us all Mr. Anderson, but Night Joe's pet mold, "Moldy", had chased him away, spitting quarters at him, blocking the bullets he shot at us. Unfortunately, Night Joe's mother made him vacuum up Moldy, and as a result, we lost our friend and savior Moldy.

"Your closet can NOT be the ether." Ritz's friend, the rabbit-archer lady, who did not believe us either. Too bad, too, but whatever.

"Why do you want gimpy?" I asked, frustrated.

"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!" yelled back the disturbed girl.

"Yeah, so?" Hoboslayer still didn't care.

"It's not like anyone cares anyway." Said Night Joe.

"HE TRIED TO PICKPOCKET HAZARD 13!" yelled a voice. I knew that voice. It was a friend of mine, Piemasher 86. Why and how did HE get here though?

"Umm…Piemasher? How the hell did you get here?" I asked.

"I used this weird crystal I bought at a garage sale. I came here, cuz this homeless guy told me that if I went here, and brought some gold, I could buy weapons, really cheap! He did say it would only last a little while, so whatever. Oh yeah, I found you cuz of the rumors at the bars. They said a Hazard 13 was going around with an Sred02, a Hoboslayer, a Night Joe, a Vinjn, and an Ezel, attacking pubs and fighting homeless guys."

"Really? Are we like, famous, or something?" I asked.

"Kinda." He replied. "Oh, yeah, there's some guy and a Clan Nuts or Nutsey or something that is about to be attack you, so umm…good luck." With that, he looked at his watch. "I have to go get my bag, it's full of shortswords and those armor things-diamond armor! I'm gonna be rich, when I get back!" With that, he reached behind corner of a nearby building, and he grabbed a HUGE bag, and pulled out a fist sized crystal, and clutched it in his hand. A few seconds later, he disappeared in a puff of black, red, and oddly, orange smoke. When the smoke cleared, all that was left was a crater.

"Wow…who was that?" asked Ritz. We all ignored her.

"Hey guys, I think you heard what he said…Two front war. Think we should split up?" I asked everyone. They all nodded.

"Hey, I know. Death, and Ezel, and Sred02 you guys kill the weird ass rabbits, and Night, Hoboboy and me go kill Marche and Clan stupid. Alright?". I asked.

"Dude, what do I do?" asked Sred02.

"Guard me. I don't like to get hurt!" Ezel responded.

"And what is it that I must do?" asked Death.

"You attack, I will put them to sleep, and then Sred02 will help guard me." Ezel responded quickly. With those words, Ezel, Death, and Sred02 went to fight the weird rabbit people. I turned to the others, and we decided on a battle plan. I would provide support with my Outsiders, Night Joe would magic everything, throwing meteors and flares, and Hoboslayer would go beat them and/or slice them to a pulp. Funny, though, that they didn't know we knew where they were, so it would be a surprise attack. This would be fun. Anyways, Night Joe used a small mirror to peek around the corner of a building, and he nodded to us. I saw a small ladder attached to a building, and I was about to climb up, but Night Joe stopped me: "Here, put these on." He held out some weird looking boots, which had wings on them. "They look like shit, but at least they let you teleport." He said, when I made a face at the boots.

"Hey guys, hurry up! I wanna go dismember people!" Hoboslayer said.

"Alright, Night, can you like give us a signal to tell us you're in position? Hoboslayer, do whatever." I said with a sigh. It wasn't that I was leader, which I wasn't, it was just because I had more an eye for tactics than the others did that they listened to me.

We all split up, and I took out a conversion pack for my Outsider, so as to give it a stock, a scope, a longer barrel, and even a bigger clip. I had bought these earlier, before we had entered the pub. I finished up, and I looked at the weapon I had now. Impressive. It actually looked like a rifle. The weapons dealer had told me that this conversion kit was illegal, but it made the Outsider pistol more versatile. However, you could be thrown in jail if caught. Hoboslayer, however had a small smoke bomb, which he would throw, allowing him to close the distance between him and his target, without being sniped by archers, and gunners. Finally, Night Joe had a concealed rifle barrel within his Scorpion Tail, and a Masasume on his back, in case anyone got close enough to him that they could do damage. All in all, we could be in serious trouble, if anyone found out about our "secret assets", but we could deal with it whenever.

As I lined up my telescopic sight on the moogle thing, that was like Marche's guide in Ivalice, Night Joe's meteor and Hoboslayer's smoke canister both went off simoultaneously.

"Dammit, guys! I had a clear shot!" I yelled.

"Engage!" yelled Marche, who had narrowly dodged Night Joe's meteor.

I scoped Marche's head, and I shot just as his friend Montblanc told him to duck. My shot hit, and…huh!

"HEY!" he yelled at me " WHY DID YOU SHOOT MY HAIR?"

"WHY DID IT BOUNCE?" I yelled back.

Night Joe and Hoboslayer stopped and looked at me for a second, and continued their attack. Night Joe let off a Stop, and Hoboslayer went over and stole an Ebon blade from Montblanc, and I shot him, in the chest, causing him to fall about a minute later, when he was put back in time. :

"Use of illegal weapons! Red Card!" yelled the judge. He came towards me, and as he was about to throw the red card at me, Hoboslayer threw a smoke bomb at me and the judge, allowing me to slip free, and teleport over to where Night Joe was standing. I looked back to where I was crouching a few seconds before, and all I saw was the judge. I put my rifle to my shoulder, and as I was about to shoot the judge in the head, I saw him fall into two pieces (lengthwise), and surprisingly, no blood came out! Behind him, I saw Hoboslayer, with his Eclipse stuck in the roof of the building.

"Damn! This one's a robot!" yelled Hoboslayer. Well, that explained a lot.

I heard Night Joe's voice behind me, casting Haste on me. Instantly, I felt a jolt, as I suddenly felt really lighter, as I sped forward in time. I immediately started to run towards Montblanc, letting off a quick Ultima Charge as I did so. I felt the air charge with the dark magic of Ultima, and a large shockwave ripped through the air, tossing me, Clan Nutsy's clan members, and my friends through the air.

"Montblanc!" Marche yelled. "Euver! You know what to do!" At his order, the Nu Mou member of Clan Nutsy called out a quick Life spell, and Montblanc awoke from his death, violently shivering, and Marche yelled: "Everyone, run! We're no match for them! Go, go go! We'll be back, once we're stronger, though! Alex, Tim, Wesley: you better be ready for us next time!"

(Author's note: Alex is Night Joe, Tim is Hoboslayer, and Wesley is Hazard 13. )

"Oh, yeah right, we'll kick your asses down to hell!" yelled Hoboslayer.

"Next time we might kill all of you." I said. "You know, we didn't even want your brother: he tried to pickpocket me, so Ezel made him go to sleep with his Azoth spell."

Night Joe yelled out a quick Aero spell, throwing Marche and his clan further along the road.

"Oh, crap." I thought. "I forgot to tell the Death guy about idiot boy over there."

I looked over to where the battle with the rabbits raged, and I saw Sred02 coming over to us.

"Hey Night, Hazard." He said to us. "you know how we had the plan, Ezel puts them to sleep, I guard him, and the dude over there goes and kills them, y'know? Well, Ezel never even got a chance to put up his spell."

"Now how is that possible? Asked Hoboslayer.

"Heh, we were pretty fast too: it only took maybe five minutes." Said Night Joe.

"Our mysterious friend behind me took maybe three or four minutes to take down every single person in the viera clan." Said Ezel.

"Did anyone survive at all?" I asked.

"Yes. They are all knocked out. None dead, but none will be conscious for a while, thanks to the judge." Said the cold emotionless voice of Death.

"So, like, what are you anyways?" asked Hoboslayer.

"I am a god." He replied.

* * *

Hazard 13:Not much of a cliffhanger, yo, if you even read this anymore, people. I have not gotten any reviews in a long time, and I feel very sad, except like, not. Just review, Goddamnit! 

Death: This is not my full power, you know.

Hazard 13: Well, Night Joe and Hoboslayer are back from Hawaii, so whatever.

Death: Shut up.

Hazard 13: …

Death: are you awake anymore?

Hazard 13: Durr. Let's go beat up people for some reason.

Death: Sure.

Random weird person: HEY! STOP IT!

Death: be silent, you crazed fool.

Random weird person: OK.

Hazard 13: Huh?

Death: what is it now?

Hazard 13: You say something?

Death: yes.

Hazard 13: whatever. Ummm…just review now, k?


	11. Vinny and Lords of Despair

Hazard 13: YO MAMA!

Death: That does not mean anything to me. I did not have any "mama" as you call it. I am a god, and I demand respect.

Night Joe: You're an idiot.

Hoboslayer: And you can't die! AIAAAA!

Death: Do you mind?

Night Joe: Dude, you actually have a broadsword stuck through your stomach.

Death: Oh. I didn't actually feel anything.

Hoboslayer: Give it back!

Night Joe: Here.

Death: That…was in me…?

Hazard 13: Whatever, here is EL DISCLAIMERO

Disclaimer: I don't own FFTA, and other crap, such as my dad's car, George Bush's nose, my neighbor's potato garden, or the usual…

Song: Bed of Razors, by Children of Bodom (I don't own, either.)

* * *

(Side)Chapter 11: Now what, and Vinny?

It was about twelve o'clock at night. Our clan was all sitting around a bonfire that we had taken from the local homeless people, who were insane. Anyways, we were sitting, eating dead burnt squirrels, rabbits, and also chickens. (Hoboslayer had done a Meltdown outside of town, knocking down trees, and killing random animals.)

Ezel, Hoboslayer, Sred02, Night Joe, Vinjn, Death, and I were all deciding what to rename our clan, because now, the annoying pubmaster would not accept people from an evil "death clan" such as ours.

"How about Clan Ezel?"

"Are you that self indulgent?"

"How about… Despair? Sounds good enough to scare people?"

"No. Not long enough."

"dude, there's a clan Dip. Three letters long."

"Damn, then maybe, like Clan of Despair?"

"Dude, Not original enough."

"How about Lords of Despair?"

"Is good."

"Nice."

"Shiny."

"Cool."

"It should instill fear…"

"Ah, something worth fighting for."

And with that, a new clan, Lords of Despair was born. And it was shiny.

The next morning, we all woke up next to the fire, and decided to ask Vinjn a question. What is a Vinjn? And why did it used to be spelled Vinjin, and why is it now Vinny or Vin? No one knew.

* * *

-End of chapter

Hazard 13: Well, that's it, yo.

Death: Horrendous, absolutely stupid.

Hoboslayer: Shut up.

Night Joe: All of you, shut up. Time to leave.

Hazard 13: Yeah, that should explain some crap. (Actually not so much, but whatever...


	12. Buildup

Hazard 13:What's goin' on now?

Night Joe: Waiting for shit to happen…

Hazard 13:It seems that nobody is reviewing. I accept anonymous reviews. If you read, review.

Death: I am talking to this "Hoboslayer". From this brief exposure to him, I believe him to be a complete fool.

Hoboslayer: Oh, you Mother-

Death: Feel my wrath.

Night Joe: Wow. How did his head…come off?

Death: Hmmm…

Hazard 13: Just so all you people reading this (assuming there is at least one of you besides Night Joe and occasionally Hoboslayer and Piemasher)

Disclaimer: I don't own FFTA, but I do own myself, Death (at least THIS incarnation of him/her/it) and I have use of Night Joe, Sred02, Hoboslayer, and Vinny (recently Vinjn) by permission of these people. I do not own the character of Ezel or lots of other crap.

Song: Route 666 by Helltrain

* * *

Chapter 12: Buildup

"It's time we make a stand against the idiots of this world."

"well, yeah, but I heard that Marche and the idiots were able to assemble most of the clans,."

"TRYING to…"

Night Joe, Hoboslayer, and I were thinking about how to prolong our stay in this Final Fantasy world, cuz we had real fun in it. Although we did not know whether or not we COULD or not was a different question.

"Dude, like why would they want to go back to the screwed up "normal" world?" I asked.

"Yeah seriously, when I showed them my spare Xbox, they had no clue what it was."

"Plus, you can kill stuff, and bring it back to life, and just keep bringing it back to life until you get bored with them."

Me, Night Joe, and Hoboslayer were discussing why we would want to stay or not stay in the fake Ivalice, or if we could just go back. It seems that although we would have to do without Xbox live, but at least we could have magic and skills with weapons.

-a day later

"I'm bored as hell. Hey, let's go raid the palace." Said Hoboslayer, returning from another uneventful raid on the town. Now, all we did was go attack buildings, until they fell over. Once in a while there were judges, but Hoboslayer decided to go kill them, cuz they were extremely annoying.

"What your plan requires is for us to find a suitable location, and food, drinks, and possibly my antilaw tent and cauldron. You, boy with the giant broadsword! Can you get my cauldron and put it on my wagon?" said Ezel, after we had discussed what we were to do. We now had a three chocobo wagon, with ex-judge chocobos to pull it. Unfortunately, we had to move out into an area with two large caves, which was a month's walk, but just a twelve or so hour ride using the chocobos. I found an area in the back of the large wagon, took one of the hundreds of pillows that Ezel owned, and put it underneath me, and I took a few more, making myself a sort of chair, so as to sleep for a while.

-Weird-ass Dream

I was walking through an aisle, inside a gigantic library, and twelve large potatoes (With faces) came out of some other rows of books. They all yelled something about me eating so many of their friends, when a ripple appeared on the ground, making the floor so that a hole was made, and from the hole came Death.

"We have arrived at the caverns, wake up, or I will drop you on the ground from a cliff."

"All right, whatever…"

-Back in FFTA

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…" I said as I woke up. The sky was dark, and lots of strange formations were up in the air. It seemed that I was laying down by a fire, which was burning white. My friends were all around me, with Night Joe at my left, on a stump, Hoboslayer, on a large rock, sharpening his broadsword, and Ezel, in front of me (The fire was in between us).

"Yo Hazard…You're finally awake, huh." Said Night Joe, as he looked over towards me.

"We are in a bit of trouble, because your stupid friend Hoboslayer went and blew up Bervenia Palace…now…guess what?" he paused to take a breath. "There is a giant reward on all our heads! Some idiot clan Ox or something is trying to track us, but Night Joe decided to give them a giant meteor, to block them off." Yelled Ezel, extremely fast.

"It's not that bad…" I said.

"Dude, it kinda is…they put a bounty on all of us…300,000 gil each, but they also put a 350,000 gil for me, because I broke Bervenia palace." Replied Hoboslayer.

"Hey, that was kinda fun, you know…too bad you were asleep" said Vinny, who was behind me."

From behind Ezel, Sred02's voice answered: "NO IT WAS NOT!"

"Well yeah…cuz you got thrown through the air when I summoned like fifty meteors onto the palace. Dude, it kicked ass, cuz I used both haste, and had the others give me elixirs. Hoboslayer, though…he just went in, and kept killing lots of guards and judges…I guess lots of them saw who killed most of them." Finished Night Joe, breathing heavily.

"Three squads charged me, while I guarded the wagon. I let none survive." Said Death, in a cold, menacing voice.

Ezel stood up, and looked at the fire. You know, legend has it that our good friend Death, you know…" he trailed off. He pointed at Death "Our friend here is in one of the lost chronicles of Gaol's book." Death, who was looking at the fire, immediately faced towards Ezel.

"Who the hell is gay mole?" asked Hoboslayer with a questioning glance.

"Dude, remember how you never beat like ten missions in your old Clan Fenix file?" asked Night Joe. Hoboslayer nodded in acknowledgement.

"Those were some of the missions." I said.

"Yeah, he was like a hero of light and shit." Finished Sred02.

"So, like he's an idiot that died. Great. Why the hell do I care?" asked Hoboslayer.

"You shall help me hunt down the person who has taken the place of the paladin, and watch as I slaughter him with my blade. In return, I shall remain at your side within your clan".

"Hazard, will you come here for a moment?" Ezel's voice asked over the crackling of our fire. I stood from my place against the tree, and wandered over to were Ezel was lounging.

"I do believe that he is serious about killing Marche." He said in a serious tone.

"His real life body won't actually die though, so he should just be in a little pain for a while, until the idiot prince decides it time to go back to the real world." Put in Night Joe.

"Alright then…" he trailed off. "Well, anyways, I shall be in the cave if you need me, Hoboslayer and your other friends helped stow my stuff inside, and I used my "cleaning magic" to get all of the dust and dirt from off of the stone floor. I also managed to set up a barricade, so if we want to get inside, I can teleport us inside."

Upon further conversation, I found out that I had slept through a lot. Ezel had knocked out Babus with his Azoth spell, and Hoboslayer had knocked Llednar down 300 feet down from the top of the castle, into the moat, where he got stuck. No actual damage had occurred, but Night Joe had bribed a moogle with an airship to ship the unconscious Llednar over to another country, so he would not attack us. As I pondered this information, I heard something behind me. I turned quickly, pulling out a derringer-like pistol from my coat, and pointing it at-

"On behalf of Bervenia Palace and the United Clan Coalition, you are ordered to stand down and drop your weapons. Or, every decent clan in Ivalice, the judges, and the palace guards shall put you into early graves." Said the Judgemaster, Cid.

"Marche? NOW!". From out of the trees, dozens of viera, bangaa, humans, moogles, and Nu Mou appeared. In front of them, Marche, Ritz, Shara, Montblanc, and Doned walked out.

By now, Death, Night Joe, and everyone else were awake, and as Death saw Marche, he ran towards the army, killing twelve judges out of hand on his way over to Marche. He grabbed him by the shoulders, and said a phrase in some weird language. They disappeared.

"Hey!" Ritz yelled.

"Brother!" Doned screamed.

"Marche!" Montblanc screeched.

"That's it. Everyone, ATTACK!"

* * *

Hazard 13:Well here we go, even if nobody wants to see, here is chapter 12.

Night Joe: Hey, at least I reviewed.

Death: What is this "Review" you speak of?

Hoboslayer: (In Cape Cod…)


	13. Death

Hazard 13: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's the final chapter of this shit. Thanks to Piemasher, Night Joe, and Hoboslayer for continuously reviewing, and a curse on those who didn't…

Death: Finish this. Now. I require souls to absorb.

Hoboslayer: shut up, lazy turd.

Night Joe: …Just kill the idiot already.

Hazard 13: Whatever. Anyways, I don't own FFTA, Fire Emblem, or Halo, or Doom 3not even my neighbor's dog…this story is mine though, even if the characters are not… so yeah…I basically own nothing...

Oh, yeah...

Song: I F------ hate you by Godsmack (before they went all acoustic on us all.)

* * *

Final Chapter: Death 

"Finally. I have found you, descendant of Gaol. You shall die at my hands, paladin, mark my words." Death's chilling words echoed throughout the cave.

"But what did I do to deserve this?" Marche asked fearfully.

"You have taken the place of the hero. Look at yourself. You wear the twin blades, you wear a ring symbolistic of what he stood for, and you are a paladin, a good for nothing paladin. Those weapons…" he trailed off. "They choose their owner… only a holy paladin descendant would be able to wield those weapons."

"So I'm just a paladin, nothing else?" Marche asked.

"No. You are a holy warrior. I have killed hundreds of your kind. You are the last true one left. But I am sure you know this is not "the real world", so this must make you feel special. You are just a stupid child. Prepare to die."

Marche jumped back a few feet, and drew the twin Ayvuir Blades, as Death drew his scythe from behind him. Marche fell back into a defensive stance, while Death Concealed himself. Marche glanced around the cave, looking to see where Death had gone, and he felt a slash across his chest. He fell, and used a quick Rush attack to push back Death. Death quickly used the spell Breath of God, knocking Marche to the floor.

-Outside

"Goddamnit!" yelled Night Joe, as he slashed another templar, knocking him out of the battle. "Do these bastards ever give up?"

"DIE! Yelled Hoboslayer, who slashed two judges in half with his trusty Eclipse, and hurled an anti-personnel hand bomb (so primitive, that they could not even be considered grenades) at a group of Templar, massing around me. I grabbed a throwing star from its holder around my waist, and hurled it at a judge, knocking him to the ground. Suddenly, the judgemaster, Cid, decided to attack me, and as I moved back, I grabbed my revolver from my waist, and pumped bullet after bullet into him. Just as he reached me, he was…shorn into three pieces! Behind him was the figure of Vinjn, who had used his favorite Assasin ability on Cid. Sred02 jumped from behind Vinjn, to where Ezel was whacking the hell out of some inexperienced mog knights with his staff, and slashed a judge with his two katanas (Masasume 100 and a nameless sword). As we finished off the last judge, templar, and mog knight, we looked around, and I saw a group of people, coming right towards us. I recognized the figure of Montblanc, Ritz, Doned, and Shara coming towards us, along with the Clans Dip, Brass Dragoons, and the other clans (except for the Jagd and bandit clans.). It seemed they had brought help. I looked the left, and I saw another band of clans, the Jagd Emissaries, Clan Hounds, and a few other clans that were formed of bandit gangs and jagd clans. I realized that they might also be trying to kill us, but as they ran towards us, I readied my rifle, and lined up on the Leader's (the guy in front) head. He was waving a white flag, so I put my rifle back on my back. As he came to a stop, he said "Truce. You defeated the judges, and we are with you. The clans coming to attack you may have lots of people, but they lack our power. We shall fight with you, in the name of Lords of Despair!" he finished. The clans cheered.

"Bring it!" yelled Hoboslayer, and the fight went on.

-Back in the cave

"Holy Blade!" yelled Marche, lunging towards Death. He had recovered from his earlier wound, with a Nurse spell. Death, however, had used an Omega spell on him, knocking him out, but the Angel ring Marche had on had revitalized him. Marche's spell knocked Death to the wall, but unfortunately for him, Death got back up, and used a Death spell on Marche. Out of nowhere came a ball of holy light, throwing the spell back at death, healing him.

"You do not belong here, Reaper." Came the voice of…

"Le Grim. How nice of you to join us."

-Outside

"Damn, these guys are tough!" I yelled, as a few quick bursts of automatic fire erupted from my rifle. This was yet another illegal conversion kit, but the problem with it was that only three round bursts would fire, or a five second strike of automatic fire. The only clans left of the UCC was clans Nutsy, Doned faction, Clan Ritz, and finally, Guard Patrol.

On our side, we had lost everyone but an Assasin, and two blue Floateyes. As we fought on, the Guard Patrol was left with a mog knight, and we lost our Floateyes and our Assasin. As Night Joe, Hoboslayer, and the rest of our clan got into a quick Arrowhead formation, we heard a voice to our left. It was a group of Ninjas and Assasins.

"We have seen you fight as lions. Against innumerable odds, you all remain standing. The Shadow Clan shall aid you in your fight."

"Thanks." Said Night Joe.

"Yes, our sincerest thanks." Said Ezel hurriedly.

"Soo…yeah…can you guys tackle the Doned Faction first, we'll deal with the others." I said.

"Consider it done." Said the leader of Shadow Clan.

Shadow Clan moved towards the other clan, quickly and silently, as we watched. I turned to my group, and said "Yo, guys, let's go beat them up."

"I will kill Ritz! That pink haired bitch will DIE!" yelled Hoboslayer.

"Right, I got Montblanc. That annoying little animal will have to live with a couple hundred bullets stuck up his ass." I declared.

"I'll go get gimpy." Said Night Joe.

"I'm all over the archer lady!" yelled Sred02, ever the pervert.

"Yeah, and I'll kill Cid." Said Vinjn.

"What? You killed him!" yelled Hoboslayer.

"Nah." He replied. "he had an Angel Ring on.

"Alright, guys. Go for the other clan members first, then take out your target. Ezel?" I paused.

"Yes, I shall provide cover for you and your friends, and allow you to do what must be done. I usually do not like fighting, but they were going to turn me in, and I hate betrayal."

-Inside the cave

"What do you want, Le Grim?" asked Death. "Is it just that you won't let me harvest his soul?"

"You do not belong here Reaper." It replied. "Marche, come here." It motioned with one of its appendages, towards Marche. He ambled over uncertainly, and started to hover in the air. A shimmer of light, and he disappeared.

"WHAT! Grim, you cannot interfere with my plans!"

"I am banishing you and the clan outside that took you in. I shall scatter you all across all the dimensions. However, they will retain their memory to keep them off of this dimension. I have rules to upkeep."

Death did not reply. Instead, he went into a strange stance, and said a quick spell, warping away.

-Back outside

"Hah. Finally, you shall…Huh?" Hoboslayer's voice was interrupted by a dark portal, which opened up right outside the mouth of the cave. I looked towards it, and saw Death, with his scythe outstretched.

"Get over here, all of you. Get over here, and quickly, do it, or you will be sucked into space." Death's voice said to each of us.

Immediately, we all ran over to where Death was standing, and stood nearby him. As a blinding white light ripped out from the cave, destroying the barricade, which had been constructed by Ezel the day before. It was the being known as Le Grim.

"Holy shit, man!" yelled Hoboslayer, as he ran faster to get to where we were standing. We had knocked all of the clan members out, but the key people, Ritz, Doned, Montblanc, Cid, and Shara had retreated back, to regroup and think of tactics. We were all really tired, but we had all made it over to where Death was standing. Le Grim raised its arms and intoned a spell, just as we faded into a black pool of darkness.

-Pillar of Autumn (Halo Universe)

"Now would be a great time to leave!" shouted some marines, as they boarded an escape pod.

Suddenly, a white flash of light came out of nowhere, and a small boy fell out, onto the floor.

"I knew it! We're dead! There was a plasma hit, wasn't there!"

"Shut up, marine." Came the voice of Sergeant Johnson. "Whoa, who the hell are you?"

"Holy shit! You're Sergeant Johnson!" yelled the boy.

"Kid, how did you get here, were you a stowaway? And when did I get famous?" yelled the marine.

"I'm Sred02. This is the Ummm…Cairo, right?" the boy asked.

"No…This is the Pillar of Autumn. Wait…what are those things on your back? Are they…Swords? No way." Said the other marine.

"Hey, you wouldn't believe where I got them…"

-Another World

"What the hell? Man this is weird…first I'm outside a cave, then I'm…where am I?"

"Uhhhhhh…" a groan came from behind Vinny, who had been thrown unwittingly into the world of Doom 3. Soon, Vinny looked at the teleporter he had arrived in, and jumped back in, figuring there was nothing to lose as twenty imps, and a pinky (giant dogs with robotic hind legs) showed up through a door, across the burning floor. There was a flash, and he knew no more.

(Author's note: This story is going to branch into three different places, and eventually diverge into one again later. Vinny's story shall branch off to go over to Advance Wars 1, Sred02's will lead him to Halo 1, and Ezel, Death, Hoboslayer, Night Joe, and I shall be headed over to FE7, (Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken)to wreak havoc on random people.

* * *

Hazard 13: Damn…Finally over. Took me less than a year, and almost nobody reviewed these last four chapters. If I could just find out where the people's houses are… 

Death: Here are the names of the ones you gave to me.

Hoboslayer: Yeah, and here are the ones I hacked in half.

Night Joe: Here is the limbs of the guy down in Texas that I hewed off.

Hazard 13: Anyways, this story shall go into the Fire Emblem section…so follow the story if you want…

Night Joe: Dude, guys…Vinny will be in the Advance Wars section.

Hoboslayer:And, Short boy (Sred02) will be in Halo.

Hazard 13: That's that then…Just one review from someone other than Night Joe would be nice...


	14. AN

Author's note: While complete, this story, quite frankly, sucked. A lot. So, I'm redoing it, under another name, while keeping this one for fun…so yeah. The other story that is connected to this (Banished) is going to be discontinued. Until I get to that point again.

-(Whether you want it back or not, it will be done.)

Note:Everyone I blocked from reviewing my stories (kupokupokupo), they are NOT blocked anymore.

Except Apologist.(Who sounds like a 70 year old grammar teacher with no life...I'm just sayin').


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